its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
