Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
