I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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