God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
