you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
