based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
