"it" just moved
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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