I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
