I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
