I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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