so let's talk penis.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
