Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
