So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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