Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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