they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
