I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
