Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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