I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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