If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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