Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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