a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
