Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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