By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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