Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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