clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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