I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
