??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
