According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
