I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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