all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
