Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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