i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
