You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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