I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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