there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
