Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We were destined to go to rehab together
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
