Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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