I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize