he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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