You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
