There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
