i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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