all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
