And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
