A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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