Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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