just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
