I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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