Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
