is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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