I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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