found the other keg... it's in the tree
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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