Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
