I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
