I accidentally had phone sex last night
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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