oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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