Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
