she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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