ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why are your pants in the freezer?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
