im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
