He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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