I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
