i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I pour the whiskey from now on
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
