Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
