i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
pray to the hookup gods
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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