If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Drake has all the answers
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
