I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
