I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
