I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
