I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
